Wednesday, February 27, 2013

So I thought I might have originally heard this on Oprah years ago, but I did my fact checking so I could write my backstory on my connection to this piece.  This is what I learned:  don't go believing everything you hear on the internet.  However, come to think of it, she could of just stated this in bits and pieces.  Anyway, here:

"If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then, heck no, you can't be "just friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or is in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more, nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending, compromise is a two way street. You need time to heal between relationships, there is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you, a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals, look for someone complimentary, not supplementary. Dating is fun, even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes, when a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him, he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. Share this with other women and men (just so they know). You'll make someone smile, another rethink her/his choices, and another woman prepare, and a man aware." -Oprah

In my early 20s, I was nodding my head in full agreement with these statements.  Now, well into my 30s, I'm still nodding but only now from experience.  Oy.  Hard lessons learned, but hey, they've been learned.

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